Time to Say Goodbye
by Lizzy London
Summary: Emma's thoughts right before she decides to give up her newborn son for adoption.


**It's been two years since I've done anything on this website holy crap.**

A fanfic drabble that's been floating around in my head for a while. It's sort of swan thief? Kind of not, but sort of. It takes place the day that Emma puts Henry up for adoption. Rated PG I suppose.

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(I love Neal I really do but yeah this isn't all that friendly to him and I'd really love any feedback)

Emma knew they were coming. She knew it would be time to say goodbye soon.

She didn't want to say goodbye. She'd seen so many people leave her and the last thing she wanted to do was send somebody away on purpose but she had no choice.

She wanted to try. Oh GOD how she wanted to try but the counselors and the other inmates had told her over and over again that she wouldn't be able to do it. Where would she go. How would they live. How could she support them both. She was a child. She had no family, no job, no money, no place to go. All she had was a small car that would probably die shortly after she got out. She had nothing, and nothing to give to her baby.

_No family. _The words had echoed in her head until they were a dull throbbing ache. She had asked herself a thousand times what she could have done to make _him_ turn her in. Where had she gone wrong? There had always been something wrong with her. Her parents hadn't wanted her, her adoptive family gave her back, the only man she'd ever loved and wanted had left, and now she was sending away her baby.

She looked down at him. They'd given her two hours to make her final decision. He was so small, and so helpless and she hated herself and his father for putting him in the same situation she had been. She'd selected for a closed adoption. How could she stand to know where he was, how he was doing and who he was with if she couldn't be with him? If he knew where she had come from and what she'd done, he'd hate her. He wouldn't want a petty thief for a mother. Nobody wanted her, so why would he?

He made a gurgling sound and she ran her finger down his cheek. She'd wanted to try so bad, but the more the counselors urged to give him up the more she knew they were right. But she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if _he_ hadn't turned her in. Would he have been happy to have a baby on the way? Would he still have taken off?

She liked to think he wouldn't have, but how could she know? He'd left her so he obviously didn't love her ask much as he said he did. She had a fantasy in her mind where he wouldn't have just been happy but ecstatic. He would have picked her up and swung her around and laughed out of joy. She'd always loved the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

They would have gotten jobs and a small apartment in Tallahassee. They could have done it. They would have both worked until she couldn't any more. They would have found a cheap little crib for the baby to sleep in. They would have bickered over names. They would have fought over who the baby would look like- but in her arms it was obviously their son favored his father.

They wouldn't have had much, but they would have had each other. They would have given up the Bonnie and Clyde thing for their baby. They would have been happy together. They would have gone to the beach with him. Taken him to Disney. She imagined taking turns on staying up with him, and comforting him when he had nightmares.

More children.

She felt the tears running down her face and held her son close to him and breathed in that baby smell. She'd never get to see him again after today. He was being adopted. She hoped that his new family was everything he deserved. She hoped that they spoiled him rotten and made him happy. A mother and father worthy of him because nothing less than the best would due for her baby. She wanted him to have a good life with a mommy and daddy and lots of siblings to make him happy. She hoped he did well in life, and despite how much she hated herself for what she was doing, she hoped that he would still love her and understand what she was giving him. And so she signed the papers to give him his best chance. It was time to say goodbye.

And as the door opened and the guard came in to take him, she kissed his fuzzy little head. The guard took him from her arms and her heart shattered, breaking into a million cold pieces. She watched until she couldn't see him anymore. Sitting back she let out one long wail of anguish and pain. She'd carried her baby and she'd gone through those eighteen hours of labor to bring him into the world. And now he was gone from her life forever. Just like Neal. She literally had nothing now. She'd gone from everything she wanted to nothing in less than a year.

She cried until she made those ridiculous hiccup noises, and when her eyes were dry she felt a cold hatred take root in her heart. She wished Neal Cassidy a long and miserable eternity in hell.


End file.
